You're Still You
by InkStainedFingertips
Summary: 2 yrs ago Carey stood by and watched Fi walk out of his life. Will they find their way back to each other, or will tragedy push them farther apart?
1. Prologue: She's Out of My Life

Author's Note: I own a lot of things in this world---about 1/10 of 'em scattered all over my dorm room in a freezer-esque Midwestern state---but, Alas! (cue sappy violin music) Woe is me; for I do not own "So Weird!" Oh, the shame of it all!  
  
Author's Note, Part 2: The prologue takes places approximately four years before the first chapter of the story. In this time frame:  
  
Fiona had just finished celebrating her Sweet Sixteen and is now headed to the University of Washington (she graduated a year early, courtesy of Ned's Mobile School for Children of Musicians and Roadies and Managers on Tour), where she will be double majoring in Music and Journalism.  
  
Jack is 18 and will soon be leaving for the University of Hawaii-Hilo to major in Oceanography and Photography (Hilo has one of the best Oceanography and Astronomy programs in the country, or so one of my friends said) in a few days.  
  
19-year-old Clu has decided to change majors (like, dude, can you, like, totally see him as, like, a prolific philosopher?) and is now studying for a degree in Environmental Science. (Clu, to me, seems sensitive enough to care passionately about nature and is also the outdoors type.)  
  
Carey is 20 and has now been promoted as the lead guitarist and co- songwriter for the Molly Phillips Band. He never met Callie ("Siren") or Tammy Faye ("Avatar") and has been pretty much single because someone happens to be too oblivious to his oh-so-subtle hints. Or so he thinks ;-P  
  
Ryan Ollman (Fi's beauty and brains admirer from the episode "Second Generation") will show up in this story and at the ripe old age of 17, he is now the co-department chair for the Genetics Division at the University where he currently teaches; the fictional Pembrooke Institute in Washington state.  
  
Oh, and neither Annie nor her panther exists in this story.  
  
Now, on with the story.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
AT THE AIRPORT  
  
  
  
Sad, cerulean-hued eyes looked mournfully at the clock smack dab in the middle of the busy Colorado International Airport, silently cursing the seemingly fast movement of the hands of the clock. A mop of shaggy blonde hair the colour of rich honey stood testament to the numerous times a shaken and gel-and-mouse-slicked hand ran through it, tousling it, almost mindlessly, but with an odd sense of purpose.  
  
"Hey, bro, are you okay?"  
  
A pair of eyes---not quite as intense a cerulean hue---bore into Carey Bell's face and broke the trance he was in.  
  
Clu Bell cocked his head and stood staring at his older brother, carefully taking in the sadness in his features. He hid a smile, a bittersweet one, knowing full well why his brother was melancholic and unusually silent. He wasn't quite the airhead everyone thought him to be, and Clu knew more about people and observed them more than he ever let on.  
  
"Just tired," Carey lied, faking a yawn. "Stayed up late last night. Hardly slept. You know how that goes."  
  
"So, uh," Clu began. "Mom and Dad, they already said their last minute goodbyes to Fi. Molly and Jack are off buying some gifts at that expensive electronics store. I just talked to Fi, you know? Hey, why don't you give that gift you got her?" He asked, motioning to the meticulously wrapped burgundy-and-gold box Carey held in his right hand.  
  
Carey looked down and nodded, wanting to see Fi again, but at the same time, dreading the inevitable.  
  
As he strode towards Gate G, Carey smiled softly as he caught a glimpse of a vision in white. From the back, Fiona Phillips looked like Cousin Itt with her incredibly long brown hair and petite stature. But he knew that from the front.  
  
"Hey, Carey!" Fi smiled widely as she saw one of her best, dearest and oldest friends in the world.  
  
"Fi, Fi, Fo," Carey teased. "Whatcha been up to?"  
  
"Not much, just waiting for them to start boarding people."  
  
Carey's smile abruptly left his face as the reality that Fiona was really leaving hit him full force. He weakly handed her the gift he had picked out for ages; the one he spent almost half a day choosing.  
  
"What's this?" Fi's brows knitted as she looked up at him.  
  
"Oh, it's just something I saw one day that I thought you'd like," Carey said in what he hoped was in a nonchalant tone of voice.  
  
As she opened the delicately wrapped gift, tears began forming in Fi's eyes as she saw what was inside. "Oh, my gosh! Carey! Oh, gosh! This is."  
  
"You like it?" Carey asked shyly, once again running his fingers through his unruly blonde hair. "I wasn't sure if you'd like it. I mean, I'm a guy and I don't really know what girls like and."  
  
"Carey, this is gorgeous! Thank you!" Fiona stood on her tiptoes and gently kissed Carey on the cheek. "Help me put it on!"  
  
Carey blushed as he felt Fi's soft lips on his face, but tried to control the surging emotions in him as Fiona held her hair up so he could fasten the 18-carat gold lariat necklace with an angel pendant.  
  
"This is so beautiful!" Fiona looked up at him again, eyes shining brightly, and Carey fought harder to control his impulse to wrap his arms around her tightly, sweet her off her feet and kiss her with all the passion and emotion he had kept pent up all those years. In that instant, he just knew he had to tell her. It was now or never. Do or die.  
  
"Fi, I want to tell you something. I."  
  
"Fi, look what Mom and I got you!"  
  
An excited masculine voice broke through the intense connection Carey and Fiona briefly shared, and a striking man of chestnut hair and turquoise eyes came barrelling down to where his only sister stood.  
  
"You are totally going to love this! It's the newest version of Palm Pilot! Mom bought us matching Palm Pilots, so we could communicate with each other even when we have no computer access right that moment! You can check e- mail, do instant messaging."  
  
As Jack rattled on about the features of this indubitably expensive device, an attractive, slim woman with deep mahogany hair streaked with intense amber walked over and wrapped her arms around her precious children, Fi and Jack.  
  
"I can't believe my babies are growing up and are leaving for college already," Molly said, her eyes slowly misting over. "It seemed like only yesterday when."  
  
"M-o-o-m," Fi and Jack said in unison.  
  
"Oh, you'll get used to it, Mol," Irene Bell said as she, Clu and her her husband joined the group. "You really will."  
  
"In fact, you'll appreciate the peace of mind once the kiddies are gone," Ned quipped in his trademark scratchy voice, bearded face softening into a smile.  
  
"Well, Carey's still around, so I dunno about peace of mind," Clu couldn't resist adding in his two cents' worth.  
  
"Thanks a lot!" Carey laughed, bopping his younger brother on the head.  
  
"Flight 349 headed to Seattle Washington is now boarding."  
  
The seemingly impersonal, robotic voice rang though the loud speakers, interrupting the joking mood of the bunch.  
  
"First class passengers may now board. Passengers with infants or needing special assistance may also board at this point."  
  
"Group hug!" Molly said cheerfully, trying to muster up a somewhat genuine smile through the tears that threatened to fall.  
  
Vertically-challenged Fiona Phillips suddenly found herself in the centre of a 7-person bear hug. "Um, guys? Can you let me breathe?" She said it half-jokingly, half-seriously.  
  
"Now boarding passengers in row 20-25."  
  
"I guess that's me," Fiona said, her eyes misting over.  
  
Carey watched quietly as Molly and Jack once again engulfed her in bone- crushing hugs. "Hey, my turn again."  
  
Fi looked up at him and smiled, "I'm going to COLLEGE, Care-Bear, can you believe it?" she asked softly.  
  
Carey just smiled, not wanting her to see the pain he was in.  
  
"Hey, what was it you wanted to say to me?"  
  
"I.Fiona, I."  
  
"Baby, it's time to go," Molly interrupted.  
  
Fi picked up her bags and took a deep breath. "Okay, mum. Oh, Carey, just e- mail it to me later, okay?" With that, she started heading towards the boarding gate.  
  
'Wait! Don't go!' Carey's mind screamed, wanting to run after her, wanting to hold her and beg her not to go.  
  
But his mouth failed him, just like his body. He stood there motionless, silent as the darkness of night.  
  
Fi turned around, and for a brief second, Carey's hopes plummeted sky-high, hoping against hope that she changed her mind about leaving. Maybe just maybe, she reciprocated what he felt in his heart for all those years, maybe she knew, maybe she.  
  
"I love you, you guys!" Fi called out cheerfully before handing her boarding pass to the lady, not knowing that her words broke Carey's heart.  
  
'I love you, Fi." Carey's mind screamed silently. Fiona Kimberly Phillips walked out of the tour.and out of his life.  
  
And there wasn't anything he could do about it.  
  
Not a damn thing. 


	2. Chapter 1: Somewhere Out There

Disclaimer: I do not own "So Weird" or any of its characters. The only Carey I know personally is a shaggy-haired half-Spaniard, half-British bloke whom I've known for aeons.  
  
Author's Note: Maybe because I've got really long brown hair and I'm only 5'2"-ish myself and prefer to date really tall guys (think: Green Jolly Giant and a munchkin from Emerald City), but I don't care about the age or height difference between Fi and Carey. I think they make the cutest couple! Hey, if all else fails, they'll have normal-height kids, eh? Um, that is, if they were real, which they aren't. Oh, boy. No more coffee for me!  
  
Lastly and most importantly, thank you to those who reviewed. I promise I'll try to post the second chapter sometime this week. The weird thing is that I actually finished the last two chapters of this story BEFORE the prologue and this chapter! LOL. I have yet to start writing Chapter 2 and etc.!  
  
Oh, read and review, please!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
TWO YEARS LATER  
  
*Carey's POV *  
  
People have the most annoying habit of saying the most annoying things during the most annoying of times. I hate it when people have all these sayings they tell you when they want to make you feel better. Don't get me wrong; I really do appreciate the gesture. It's just that sometimes I wish people would actually know what they're saying and actually live through it before spouting off all these cliches.  
  
"It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all."  
  
That's probably one of the most over-used, cheesiest of cheese cliches ever uttered by man. My answer to that is a big, resounding: like hell! How can it hurt not to feel that feeling in the first place? I mean, if you never experienced love, then how do you really know what you're missing out on?  
  
To fall madly in love and then to have that taken from right under you---I don't think there's ever a pain that quite measures up to that. The way I see it, it hurts more that way, because you already felt and tasted that emotion and it leaves you longing for more. The ache in your heart is more intense and you are consumed with thoughts of what could have been, what should have been, if only---need I say more? You long for the past. You long to live in the past---to exchange today and infinite tomorrows for even a snippet of yesterday. But it's intangible---so close, but yet so far.  
  
Yep. People who spout of things they know nothing about are full of crap.  
  
Definitely.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Carey, bro, the parental units and Molly are, like, completely wiggin' out. The Hope Springs homecoming concert is, like, a week away and the band is, like, not completely as polished as a bowling ball! Come on, make like a strawberry pop tart and pop out, bro!" Clu Bell cheerfully bounced on his brother's bed and gave the tall, immobile shape buried beneath the piles of blankets a petulant poke.  
  
'As usual, little brother eloquently nails it right to the point,' Carey thought wryly as he grumpily arose from the soft cocoon of blankets, pillows and several guitar magazines in his little cubicle on the Molly Phillips tour bus.  
  
"Time's-a-wastin'," Clu informed him as he stood up and stretched his lanky arms and legs. "It's a wonderful day today, dude, I'mm tellin' ya! There is no place for a sleepy head on this bright, sunny day!"  
  
Carey rolled his eyes from behind the black shirt he was trying to pull over his head. "I would've woken early today if *someone * didn't keep me up all night talking about his new flavour-of-the-week crush."  
  
"Hey!" Clu protested, properly outraged. "Bleu is NOT Haagen-Daz or Ben and Jerry's! She's IT, bro. Ya know, the one?"  
  
"Sure, sure," Carey laughed as he ran his fingers through his hair. "You said the same thing about Marie, Angel, Tammy Faye, Callie, Sonora, Chloe, Cara, Amy Jo, Nadia---"  
  
Clu looked annoyed. "Scoff all you want, bro, but I mean it this time. Bleu's really rad. I really dig her."  
  
"Clu and Bleu," Carey snorted. "That's just precious. When you have a little girl, name her Mary Sue, will you?"  
  
"Very funny," Clu rolled his eyes. "You can't take true love lightly."  
  
"I know, I know. I can tell you really want to be Bleu's Clu." Carey tried not to snicker, but failed miserably, and was soon laughing like a wild hyena.  
  
"Aw, shut up!" Clu picked up a pillow and bopped his brother on the head. "Just go brush your teeth before half the population on earth faints from the stench. I'll be out front!"  
  
Clu stood up and purposefully strode towards the front of the bus, where his father was still trying to make heads and tails about the fastest route to Hope Springs, Colorado.  
  
Even from clear across the bus, Carey's hysterical laughter could still be heard.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
*Fi's POV *  
  
Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if only I hadn't left the tour over two years ago. I mean, touring was fun; I got to see different places and also meet different faces. Granted, a big blue bus isn't your average house, but it was still home. I was surrounded by familiar things and people I loved. Not exactly the worst thing in the world.  
  
I guess I just needed a change. Being one of the three students of Ned's Mobile School for Children of Musicians on the Road had its benefits; I got to graduate and start college early. Washington State is a good place to live in, and I really do enjoy living here. I adjusted quite well. I'm involved in about a kajillion different clubs and organisations in here, I've made tons of friends---I even have a boyfriend!  
  
His name's Ryan Ollman, and I've actually known him for ages. Get this: he's a real, honest-to-goodness genius. He became a professor of genetics when he was, oh, about thirteen or fourteen. He's an eye candy, too, and not like your stereotypical genius. He's got sapphire eyes and a full head of chestnut hair, and dimples that would make a girl swoon. He treats me really well, too. He's sweet, honest, loyal, a good companion---  
  
Okay, okay. I know I just made him sound like a collie or something, but trust me, Ryan is a really great guy and---  
  
  
  
  
  
"Fi, phone for you!"  
  
Fi's journal entry was interrupted by the sound of her flatmate Lucy Lee's brisk knocking.  
  
"Thanks, Luce!" Fi's voice was slightly muffled from the piece of candy she was eating. "I'll take it from here!"  
  
"Anytime!"  
  
Fi lay on her stomach and propped herself up on her elbows. "Hello? Fi here."  
  
"Baby!"  
  
"Oh, hi, mum, what's up?" Fi smiled as she heard her mum's cheery voice on the other end.  
  
"Well, the band's pulling an overtime with practice and stuff. We still have to get our set list down pat and flawless by next week." Molly told her. "Plus, we added a last minute song on the list, so we have to make that work somehow."  
  
"Really? What's it called?"  
  
"Oh, it's called 'A Song for Her," Molly informed her. "Carey's actually the one who wrote it."  
  
"Carey? That's great!" Fi's smile widened at the mention of her long-time best friend's name. "I always told him that he should submit some of his stuff to the band. He's really talented."  
  
"I know," Molly answered, then remembered something. "Oh, I almost forgot. Jack called. His flight comes in a day after you get to Hope Springs. He said hi and sends his best regards, and that he'll call you later."  
  
"Okeydoke," Fi said. Like any other siblings, she and Jack have their differences and have had more than their share of arguments, but beneath it all, she knew that Jack loved her unconditionally and cared for her deeply. Likewise, even if he was a big dork, she loved him, too. Who knew that she would miss Jack this much now that's he's in Hawaii for school?  
  
"So, baby, tell me about your anniversary last night with Ryan." Molly teasingly told her daughter. In all honesty though, she liked Ryan. He was a good influence on her daughter and treated her well. As he should, because if he didn't, he would face the wrath of an entire tour bus!  
  
"What's there to say?" Fi started playing with the phone cord. "We watched a play, had dinner, exchanged gifts---just your average anniversary."  
  
From a few states away, seated inside the tour bus, Molly frowned slightly as she took in her daughter's seemingly nonchalant words. "You don't sound too excited about that. Why is that?"  
  
Fi sighed. "It's nothing, mum. It's just that---Forget it, it's nothing."  
  
"You know you can tell me anything, right and---"  
  
"Molly, we need to go over the sheet music now!" Irene's panicky voice could be heard even through the phone lines.  
  
"I'm sorry, baby, but I have to go, I'll talk you you later, okay?" Molly apologised. "I love you."  
  
"I love you too, mum. See ya in a week," Fi said, then hung up.  
  
Literally a second after she hung up, her pager buzzed. "823-46" was the message that flashed across the tiny screen.  
  
Thinking of you, Ryan Ollman.  
  
"I'm screwed, aren't I?" Fi asked her stuffed animal.  
  
And of course, she got no answer. 


	3. Chapter 2: Love is Broken

Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with "So Weird" or any of the legal mumbo jumbo that comes along with it.  
  
Author's Note: This is a revised version of this chapter. I felt like the other version was sloppy and too lacking in details, so I therefore took it off and replaced it with this.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Carey, Clu, could you guys come here for a second?" Irene Bell called out later that night, when she saw her towheaded sons head out the door, on their way to grab a bite to eat.  
  
"What's up, mum? Clu asked, dusting his hands on his faded blue jeans. "Need us to get ya something? Got some typical mum craving?"  
  
Irene hid a smile. Her younger son never ceased to amuse her with all his humorous sayings. "As a matter of fact, yes. I need you to run an errand for me."  
  
"What is it?" the oldest Bell offspring asked as he joined his mother and brother.  
  
"Just some last-minute stuff," Irene told Carey, then turned to Clu. "I need the both of you to drop off the guitars at Pete's in Denver."  
  
"Denver!" Clu sputtered, shocked, eyes widening. "But that's, like, two hours away!"  
  
Irene raised an eyebrow. "I am aware of that Clu. I wouldn't be imposing on you if it wasn't important. But we need to drop it off tonight for re- stringing and tuning, so we can pick it up tomorrow at noon."  
  
Clu gestured around him wildly. "Mum, look around! We're a travelling blue bus full of musicians! Stringing and tuning guitars should be a snap!"  
  
"Cluett Geeza Bell," Irene shook her head, blond mane whipping slightly. "This busload of musicians still have to practice, and there is no time to restring and tune twelve guitars in twelve hours or so."  
  
"Quit whining and let's get a move on," Carey said in annoyance to his brother. "Let's just get a move on." He grabbed the keys from his mother's outstretched hand and gruffly shoved them down Clu's jacket pocket. "Just shut up, and I'll let you drive."  
  
"But Bleu's expecting me to call her at ten!" Clu whined as his Carey grabbed him by the shirttail and led him to the car.  
  
"Shut up and let's get a move on."  
  
  
  
  
  
"Hi, is Clu Bell around?"  
  
"No, he's not here at the moment. May I take a message?"  
  
"Oh, he's not? I thought he was going to call me," the girl on the line said in a confused tone of voice. "Oh, well. Can you please tell Clu that Bleu called?"  
  
"Okay, dear, goodbye," Irene said, then hung up.  
  
She glanced at her watch. Her boys have been gone for over almost five hours, and should have been home by now. Or called, at the very least.  
  
Irene walked over to the window, then pulled back the curtain. It was raining heavily outside, and mother's instincts steered her to the land of worry.  
  
"Where are they?"  
  
  
  
  
  
It was raining heavily outside, the sheets of rain assaulting the ground so aggressively that not even the windshield wiper could keep up. Further making the somewhat empty, winding highway more treacherous was the darkness that shrouded the cold Colorado night.  
  
And it didn't help that Clu was driving like a maniac, either.  
  
"Clu, can you slow down?" Carey yelled for what seemed like the millionth time. "We are not at a marathon in here, you know."  
  
Carey glared his brother, hoping he would take the hint. He was not familiar with the route Clu had taken, and in all honesty he wasn't sure if Clu did, either.  
  
"And what possessed you to take this damn highway?" Carey asked, incensed.  
  
"It's a short cut," Clu said tersely. Carey had been getting on his nerves for hours now, alternating between criticising his haphazard driving or calling out every saint in an act of exaggeration to the less-than-pleasant weather. "It's fastest this way."  
  
Clu glanced at his watch. He was already a good half hour late in calling Bleu, and from the looks of it, there was a good half hour left of driving left---and that was if he drove well above the speed limit. At this rate, he and Carey would be stuck on the highway until well past midnight, and he sure as heck would do anything to avoid that.  
  
"Eyes on the road!" Carey screeched as Clu just barely missed an oncoming truck. "Just keep your damn eyes on the road!"  
  
"Dude, you are seriously getting on my nerves!" Clu yelled at his brother. "Just chill!"  
  
"Well, I'm not risking my life just so you could make kissy face noises on the phone with your flavour of the week," Carey said disgustedly, leaning back into his seat and crossing his arms on his chest. "You're driving like some maniac, it's raining like heck and the road is so frickin' dark it could double as the set for Blair Witch 3 or something!"  
  
Clu glanced at his brother and raised an eyebrow. "What is your problem? You're acting as antsy as Richard Simmons' butt on an ant fire or something!"  
  
Carey unbuckled his seat belt roughly. "That's it! I've had enough of this BS! You are pulling over so I can drive. NOW, Clu!"  
  
Clu turned angrily to his brother. It took every ounce of his self-control to resist the urge to either smack him silly or cuss him out. "Just chill, man! We'll get in one piece of you just quit yakking! Put that seat belt on! Stop distracting me!"  
  
"Clu, watch out!"  
  
Clu looked up a second too late and saw a bright flash of light heading towards them, getting larger and larger, accompanied by the unmistakable sound of screeching tires and Carey's panicked screams.  
  
Then everything happened I slow motion. It was like an out-of-body experience as Clu felt the car flip over once, twice and then crashed. There was another flash of bright, blinding white---and then, there was darkness.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Clu awoke in a daze, feeling a sharp, quick pain in his back.  
  
'Huh?'  
  
Slowly the events of that night replayed in his mind. The guitars, Bleu's phone call, the rain, the short cut, the argument with---  
  
"Oh, God! Carey!" He quickly stood up, then groaned as a silver of agonising pain stabbed his side. "Carey!"  
  
About ten feet away, a motionless body lay awkwardly in a heap on the slick, rain-covered gravel, joints oddly positioned. The man's once-honeyed hair was now matted with crimson blood, his beautiful face now barely recognisable under angry gashes and multi-hued bruises.  
  
"Carey!" Clu yelled, running to his brother. He gently touched Carey's shoulder, knowing that if he was any harsher, he could injure him severely. "Bro, wake up! Can you hear me? Carey? Yo, wake up!"  
  
But there was no response. Carey just lay there, still and silent as the dark night. Clu leaned down and tried to listen for a heartbeat, but he heard none. Panicked, he grasped his brother'' limp wrist and tried to find a pulse.  
  
"Damn in! I should've been paying attention in CPR class instead of dozing off!" Frustrated, Clu wrung his hands. "Carey, please, bro, wake up!"  
  
Moments later the welcoming sound of sirens resonated across the otherwise empty highway.  
  
"In here, in here!" Clu yelled, waving his hands frantically, ignoring the pain he felt. "In here, in here!"  
  
Within seconds the paramedics arrived, rushing to him. "Are you okay?"  
  
Clu nodded numbly. "My brother-Please-He's---He's not answering me and---"  
  
"Don't worry, we'll take care of it," one of the paramedics assured him, then nodded to his other partners to where Carey still lay. "But right now, I want you to come with me to the ambulance so you can tell you what happened."  
  
He gently led a shaking Clu away from Carey and into the ambulance.  
  
There, inside the comfort of the steel van, having his vitals checked, Clu glanced back at his brother's still form.  
  
"Oh, God, what have I done?"  
  
And with that, he buried his face in his arms and wept.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
*Carey's POV *  
  
I am surrounded by darkness. It is as thought the world was suddenly painted a mighnight black, with nary a star in sight.  
  
It's not the darkness that unnerves me, though. It is the silence.  
  
The silence is deafening, almost too loud.  
  
Why am I alone? Where's Clu? Where's everybody?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
*Fi's POV *  
  
My mum wrote this song right before my dad died. It's called "Love is Broken," and some people, including myself, think it's a premonition of sorts. I asked my mum about it, and for the longest time she refused to talk about it.  
  
Eventually she did, though. She told me that one night, she had this really vivid dream that my dad slowly slipped from her grasp. She tried to hold on to him, but he just kept on slipping and slipping, like there were some unknown forces in the darkness that was claiming him as their own.  
  
Images from their life together flashed across her mind in warped speed, kind of like a movie, and when she woke up, she just had this sinking feeling at the pit of her stomach.  
  
She couldn't explain it, but she just knew.  
  
She knew she was going to lose my dad. She didn't want him to go out for a ride that night.  
  
Maybe I am more of my mother's daughter than I initially thought.  
  
Because right now, I am having that same haunting feeling.  
  
And I would give anything just to prove it wrong.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
In a sterilised white room filled with people running about, a large bearded man strode purposefully to a lone figure seated near the nurses' station. The bearded man was a tough man, having gone through bar fights in the seediest towns, and then emerging a victor. He scarcely cried, if at all. But right now his heart was filled with trepidation and he felt a pang of fear that brought an icy cold numbness to his entire being.  
  
The fear of the unknown was overwhelming, and threatened to catapult him into a tunnel of despair.  
  
But he had to pull himself together. Taking a deep, shaky breath, he approached the young man and tapped him gently on the shoulder.  
  
"What happened, son?" Ned's gruff, gravelly voice broke through the self- induced trance Clu had been in ever since the paramedics arrived and whisked him to the hospital.  
  
"I'm sorry, dad, I'm sorry!" Clu cried, rushing to his father's side and falling on his knees, wrapping his trembling arms around his father's legs. "God, I am so sorry! So sorry! I am so sorry!"  
  
Ned's bearded face crumpled up as he watched his son sob like a baby, repeating the same words over and over again. Clu's blood-soaked clothes were a sharp, dramatic contrast to the pristine, crisp whiteness of the hospital room. Oddly, he looked out of place, while at the same time, stood as a grim reminder of the facility's purpose.  
  
"What happened, son?" Ned asked again as he looked into his son's stormy, cloudy blue orbs, helping him stand up to a more dignified position.  
  
Clu refused to hold his father's gaze, afraid of the shame showing through. "I was driving and it was raining so hard and I took the short route and it was raining---and I---we were arguing---and it was raining---Oh, God! I am so sorry! So sorry! I am so sorry!" A violent current of tears seized through Clu's body, taking him whole, and Ned's heart constricted painfully. "Where's Carey now?"  
  
"He-he," Clu sobbed harder. "Operating room. I'm so sorry!"  
  
And with that, he fell on his knees again, racked with overwhelming grief and unbridled self-hatred.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
*Carey's POV *  
  
There was darkness, but all of a sudden, I see this blinding white. Is this Heaven? All that's around me is a paler shade of white. I hear voices, but they seem so far away. Are they angels? Am I dead?  
  
"Carey? Carey Thomas Bell?"  
  
Oh, my God! Was that---no---couldn't be---but---Was that God? He knows my name?  
  
"Carey?"  
  
Slowly the fog lifted, and I realise I am not in Heaven after all. Unless of course God had a salt-and-pepper ponytail and the strongest Boston accent.  
  
I don't know how I got here, but I am in some kind of a room. Not my room, that's for sure. My room had more colour and didn't look quite so--- impersonal, lifeless.  
  
"I can't tell you how relieved I am," Boston accent said. "You've been unconscious for over twenty four hours."  
  
"What---who---whe---Who are you?" I stammered, my voice hoarse and scratchy. "Where am I?" I tried to sit up, but my body hurt all over. It felt fiery and sharp, like thousands of burning hot pokers pierced into my skin and straight into my being.  
  
But that is not what worries me  
  
With a sinking feeling I realise something much, much worse has occurred.  
  
I could not move my legs.  
  
Or my arms.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Fiona, phone for you!" Lucy handed the phone to her flat mate, who was busily munching on potato chips and watching a soap opera on the telly with her.  
  
"Hiya, Fi here, " Fiona said cheerfully.  
  
"Fi, it's me," was the soft answer on the other line.  
  
Fi sat up quickly, that haunting feeling she felt earlier creeping back into the pit of her stomach. "Jack, is that you? What's wrong? Is it you? Is it Gaby? Is mum okay?"  
  
Blind panic set in as worst-case scenarios danced around in Fi's mind, taunting her mercilessly. "What's wrong, Jack, please tell me!"  
  
There was silence on the line as Jack tried to gain control of his surging emotions. He knew that what he was about to say would break his sister's heart---in more ways than one.  
  
"It's Carey, Fi. He-he might not make it," 


	4. Chapter 3: Scar Tissue

Disclaimer: "Are you dreaming?", "Nope," "I wish," "In another lifetime" and "Yeah, right. As if." What do those sayings have in common, you ask? Well, they're all the answer to the question of whether or not I am in any way affiliated with "So Weird."  
  
Author's Note: I truly appreciate the reviews! Thank you again! And please, R & R!  
  
  
  
  
  
*Carey's POV *  
  
  
  
'There is a strong possibility that you might not be able to walk again. Or even play the guitar. I'm really sorry.'  
  
Those words ran screaming by in my mind, repeating themselves like a broken record for what seemed like the billionth time. I mean, I heard those words- --they rang loud and clear---and on some level I understood the implications. And yet at the same time, there was no way I could allow myself to process them, to believe them.  
  
'You're very lucky to be alive,' the doctor told me.  
  
Well, people's definition of 'lucky' varies. To be alive and live life is not merely going through the motions of living day in, day out. Sometimes you breathe, but you're really dead inside.  
  
And right now, that is exactly how I feel right now. Dead.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Carey," Irene whispered softly. She had been sitting by the hospital bed for hours now, her normally sparkly eyes rimmed with red and brimming with tears. Her oldest son lay motionless on the bed, unrecognisable beneath the casts, bandages, cuts and bruises that marked his body.  
  
Carey's eyes fluttered softly as he awoke and saw his mother's face. He felt a sense of guilt, seeing how tired and scared she looked, knowing that he caused all that.  
  
"How are you doing, sweetie?" Irene asked, a lump forming in her throat.  
  
"A little sore, but still in one piece," Carey said, his voice barely above a hoarse whisper.  
  
"That's good," Irene said, commanding herself mentally to pull herself together. She couldn't allow herself to break down in front of him. She had to be strong and set an example. Otherwise, if she lost hope, Carey would, too. She just couldn't let him give up. Not now. Not ever.  
  
"Where's everybody?" Carey inquired, gingerly craning his neck around to see an empty, stark white room.  
  
"Your dad and Molly are out looking for another doctor as we speak," Irene told her son as she caressed his cheek gently. "You know, for a second opinion? As for Clu, he's around the hospital somewhere. Do you want me to go look for him?"  
  
Carey gently shook his head. "No, that's okay. You don't have to do that. I just---I just need to be alone right now."  
  
Irene bit her lip as Carey's words sank in. Her son was hurting, and there was nothing she could do about it. What kind of a mother was she? She couldn't even protect her son!  
  
"Okay," she whispered, and slowly walked out of the door. "I'll be back soon, I promise."  
  
Irene watched as Little Boy Blue closed his eyes again, and then gently closed the door.  
  
Outside, in the hall, away from her broken child, Irene allowed herself to break down and cry, crying for all that has happened.  
  
'I did this to him,' she thought. 'If it wasn't for me forcing them to drop off the guitars, then all this wouldn't have happened.'  
  
Irene sank down to the ground and cried, tears streaming down her cheeks like a river.  
  
She cried.  
  
Because it was all she could do.  
  
'I did this to him.'  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
*Clu's POV *  
  
  
  
I feel so guilty. Here I am, walking away from the accident with a few scratches, and Carey is---He's in a bad shape, that's for sure. He hurt his arm and his legs. The doctors aren't even sure if he can ever play the guitar or even walk again. Heck, they're not even 100% sure if he'll make it through the night. The damage was extensive.  
  
I can't help but think, you know? If only I didn't insist on talking that short cut, then maybe the accident wouldn't have happened, and Carey would be fine. I was in a hurry, waiting for that phone call from Bleu, and I never even took into consideration that little word called 'safety.'  
  
Mum and Dad---They blame me, I can tell. After all, I was driving. Oh, they never said anything to my face, but I could see it in their eyes. I'm such a screw up. I'm the airheaded disappointment in the family.  
  
If something happens to Carey---God! I will never be able to forgive myself, and I'm sure neither will my parents or anyone else.  
  
Carey might not be able to play the guitar, and music is his life.  
  
Carey might not be able to walk again.  
  
Carey might not live.  
  
And if he doesn't, it's all on me.  
  
All on me.  
  
I'm the only person to blame.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"What do you mean you're leaving tonight?" Ryan asked, pacing across Fi's room in the tiny off-campus apartment Fi and Lucy shared. "We're supposed to be at that art show tonight. Remember? The one that took me months to get the tickets for?"  
  
Fi bristled, then continued to stuff clothes, books, toiletries and what- not in her luggage. "I have to go to Hope Springs NOW!"  
  
"But why?" Ryan had rushed over as soon as he received the enigmatic phone call from Fi, telling him that she was sorry, but she had to cancel their date tonight so she could fly to Hope Springs a.s.a.p. Fi offered little to no explanation, simply saying that there was an emergency she had to attend to back home.  
  
"I told you, it's an emergency," Fi told him patiently, then proceeded to unearth another luggage from her closet. "I have to be home."  
  
"Is it Molly?" Ryan asked.  
  
"No."  
  
"Something to do with Jack, then?"  
  
"Jack's still in Hawaii," Fi told him, unzipping her second luggage and throwing more stuff in haphazardly.  
  
"Well, what emergency is it, then?" Ryan asked, trying not to lose his patience. He spent over three hundred dollars for the tickets to the art show, and there had better be a good explanation as to why Fi couldn't go.  
  
Exasperated, Fi slammed her luggage shut and glared at Ryan. "It's Care, okay? Carey and Clu were in a vehicular accident. Clu's okay, but Carey's in ICU as we speak!"  
  
At the mention of the mousse-loving blonde's name, Ryan's heart sank faster than the Titanic. It all made sense now.  
  
"Fi, why can't it wait? You're not a doctor, and there's nothing you can do to help-''  
  
"Yes, there is, Ryan!" Fi suddenly screamed, lips quivering. "I may not be a *scientist * like you, but I can help Carey! I can be there for him!"  
  
Ryan cringed at the obvious sarcasm in the word 'scientist,' but chose to ignore it. "That's not what I meant, Fi. I'm just saying that leaving now is illogical and irrational when you can leave tomorrow."  
  
"Irrationa!" Fi screamed, outraged. "Illogical! There is nothing irrational or illogical about wanting to support your friend in his time of need!"  
  
"Fiona," Ryan held up both hands in frustration. "You're taking this all the wrong way. I am merely trying to say---"  
  
"I'm leaving today, and that's that!" Fi told him defiantly.  
  
"What difference does a few hours make?" Ryan asked softly, trying to calm her down.  
  
Tears streamed down Fi's cheeks. "Everything! It makes a HUGE difference! I could lose Carey! Don't you get that? My best friend could die!"  
  
With that, Fi sank on her knees and began to cry huge, gulping sobs that racked her petite body. "I can't lose him."  
  
Ryan wrapped his arms around her. "I know, Fi, I know. I'm sorry."  
  
As he held her in his arms, Ryan Ollman had a sinking feeling that he was going to lose Fi soon.  
  
Today would be the day his dream would end. Reality has set in, and Ryan knew that Fi would inevitably choose Carey over him.  
  
Inevitably.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
*Fi's POV *  
  
I could see the pain in Ryan's eyes when I told him that I was leaving early because of Carey. Through the years, I had a feeling that he knew of my feelings for Carey. I feel bad, knowing that I hurt him badly, but the thing is, you can't help who you love.  
  
I never wanted to admit it before, even to myself, but I love Carey. I always have and I probably always will. My love for him---it goes beyond the surface. I love him so deeply that sometimes it hurts too much to even think of him.  
  
There were a lot of times when I wanted so badly to tell Carey how I felt, but I stopped myself. You see, I'm afraid of losing him. You know, the way that I lost my dad? I'm afraid that something bad will happen to Carey because I love him. What if that old curse was right? What if my love would cause people to die? What if the O'Shiannan women really were cursed?  
  
My mum loved my dad so much, and well, we all know how that ended; with heartbreak.  
  
Will it end in heartbreak for me, too?  
  
One thing is for sure; I'm coming home.  
  
I'm coming home, Carey.  
  
Please hold on. 


	5. Chapter 4: A Paler Shade of White

Disclaimer: If I owned "So Weird," then my last name would be Disney or Winkler, which sure as heck isn't the case because I'm stuck with 2 hyphenated last names that people can hardly pronounce and end up butchering.  
  
Author's Note: This little story is turning out to be longer than I originally intended. I wrote this with only four chapters, a prologue and an epilogue in mind, but the way things are turning out---well, let's just say that I didn't quite anticipate that. Maybe this'll have, like, ten chapters or something. Arrgh!  
  
As always, reviews are greatly appreciated. Mahalo! Any questions or suggestions you might have, feel free to e-mail me at either rockerbaby2000@usa.com or rockerbaby@spain-mail.com.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Cluett Geeza Bell, where have you been?" Irene's half-panicked, half- enraged voice greeted Clu as he surreptitiously crept into the Bell house at a little past 2 in the morning.  
  
Clu froze in his tracks, left hand still resting on the silver doorknob that was still cool to the touch. His eyes blinked rapidly as bright lights washed over him, triggered by two angry looking sandy blondes dressed identically in faded, fuzzy robes and intimidating scowls.  
  
"Where have you been all night?" Irene asked again, arms crossed over her chest. "Your father and I have been worried sick! We tried calling your cell phone, but you obviously turned it off. No one knew where you were! We called all your friends! We even called the hospital!"  
  
Irene's haggard face crumpled and tears leaked out from her tired sapphire eyes. "You can't possibly imagine what we were thinking! Where the hell were you?"  
  
Clu shuffled his feet uncomfortably, refusing to look anyone in the eye. "Ya know, out."  
  
"Out?" Ned bellowed, rising to his full, intimidating 6'4" height. "We have been going out of our minds wondering where the HELL you were and that's all you can say? OUT?"  
  
Clu just stood there, kicking at the Oriental rug on the floor, nonchalant and seemingly more engrossed in the intricate designs of the rug than the actual reality of his parents' seething anger.  
  
"Well," Irene said, raising an eyebrow impatiently and holding her hands up expectantly. "Isn't there something you wanted to tell us?"  
  
"It won't happen again," was the monotone mumbling she was rewarded with.  
  
Without so much as a backward glance, Clu trudged up the stairs silently, leaving his parents to the realisation that in some ways, they had lost both their sons in that accident.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Fi? Baby, what are you doing here?" screeched an astonished Molly Phillips as she saw her only daughter standing on the porch of their house.  
  
It was a little past 3 in the morning, and the world was so quiet that you could hear a pin drop and the crickets chirp. Molly had been listening to Sarah Brightman's "La Luna" CD, transported to the realms of half-sleep and half-reality, lulled by the angelic voice, when she heard the doorbell ringing. At first, she dismissed it as a figment of her imagination. After all, who would be knocking up at this ungodly hour? Certainly nobody she knew, she was sure of it. But the ringing persisted, and in a few moments was accompanied by determined knocking. When she finally decided to check who was at the door, her mind was clouded with visions of Irene and Ned bearing bad news, but she certainly did not expect Fi to be at the door.  
  
Fiona smiled sheepishly at her mother, almost weighed down by the enormous amount of luggage she had in her possession. "Uh, hi."  
  
"What are you doing here? Your flight isn't supposed to be here until later this week."  
  
"Um, mum?" Fi began, shifting her large duffel bag to a more comfortable position on her shoulder. "Do you mind letting me in? These things are pretty heavy, and I've been up since really early yesterday morning, so---"  
  
Molly smacked the palm of her hand on her forehead. "Of course, baby! What was I thinking? Here, come on, let me help you with those."  
  
Fiona handed her mum the 25-inch upright and 20-inch pilot case, then proceeded to enter her warm house, heading straight to the comfortable couch inside the living room.  
  
"At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I just have to ask you again what you're doing here when your flight isn't for a few days." Molly asked her daughter, after a minute of silence.  
  
Fi played with the Celtic ring she wore on her thumb. "Um, I got a call from Jack. He told me about Carey. About the accident."  
  
Molly was silent for a moment, thinking back to that awful night when she heard about the car crash. It brought back awful memories for her--- memories she wished she could escape from but could never elude.  
  
"Is Carey okay?" Fi asked softly, looking at her mother with her scared- looking big brown eyes. "Is he awake?"  
  
Molly sighed, looking to the ceiling, as though for some answer from the Heavens. "Well, that depends on what you think is okay. Carey's---Well, he's regained consciousness, but he---Well, uh---He might not be able to walk again or play the guitar."  
  
She winced as she saw her daughter's horrified expression. "But Ned and Irene are getting a second opinion, so who knows?"  
  
Fi nodded numbly. "I---I'm really tired, mum. Do you mind if I go upstairs now to sleep? We'll talk tomorrow, I promise."  
  
Molly nodded, with forced enthusiasm, Fi noted, and gave a small smile. "We both need our beauty sleep. We'll visit Carey tomorrow, if you want."  
  
Fi gave her mum another smile as the two of them wordlessly went upstairs and carried her luggage. There, inside her room, alone and confused, Fi jumped into her bed and covered herself in her blankets. Wishing with all her heart she could hit rewind and go back one week in time.  
  
Wishing the world would go away.  
  
Wishing she could be transported to a place and time, an alternated reality, where everything and everyone was okay.  
  
In the silence, Fi began to drift off to sleep, tasting her salty tears.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Miles away, in a five-story, white stone hospital, ensconced in a room of white, haunting blue eyes stared vacantly at the ceiling. Carey had always thought of the colour white as a symbol of purity, innocence and happiness. But now---  
  
Carey knew that white could be pure, innocent, happy, haunting, empty, chilling and maddening, all at the same time. To see white every which way he turned, it was an affirmation of how he felt so dead inside.  
  
White was a colour of lifelessness.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Clu tossed a hackey sack over and over as he lay on his bed. Surfing posters, surf boards, and other surfing paraphernalia littered his room, lending it a vibrant, blue-green hue.  
  
'The colour of life,' Clu thought ironically. Surrounded by images of the waves and of life, Clu found it difficult to even breathe. Images of life reminded him that his brother's life was taken away. Oh, sure, Carey was still alive, but his essence, the thing that made him the person he is, it was all gone.  
  
And Clu---  
  
He was the one who robbed his brother of that life.  
  
Thwap!  
  
With a force much stronger than necessary, Clu threw the colourful hackey sack against the wall as he arose to stand up. Grabbing a heavy paper weight from his desk, Clu proceeded to hit his arm repeatedly with it, wanting to hurt himself---Wanting his internal guilt and pain to somehow become external.  
  
  
  
  
  
Author's End Note: Auggh! This chapter SUCKED, I know, but I promise the other chapters will be better. Also, when time permits, I'll reformat and change this chapter so it'll be less---sucky!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
*Clu's POV *  
  
I know what everyone must be thinking; that I'm this heartless idiot who doesn't even care about his sick brother. It's pretty obvious to everyone that I've since avoided visiting Carey, but it's not for the reason they think. 


	6. Chapter 5: Home To Stay

Disclaimer: I free myself from all legal matters concerning "So Weird."  
  
Author's Note: Um, "bangers" means sausage in Euro-speak, so kindly refrain from calling me a pervert when you come across that word in this chapter. LOL.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The warm sun shone through the clear, rain-tracked windows, even penetrating through the half-drawn, sky-hued blinds. For one blissful moment of forgetfulness, Fiona yawned soundly and stretched her arms wide, hair dangling past her hips, ready to start yet another Seattle day. Eyes still closed, she swung her legs to the left side of her bed, expecting to feel the softness of her bunny slippers greeting her feet. Instead---  
  
"Ow!" Fi screamed as her legs hit a solid wall. Opening her eyes, Fi found herself in familiar-yet-unfamiliar surroundings---her childhood home in Hope Springs, Colorado. Like a gush of a fast-flowing river, the images of the past 36 hours came rushing by in her mind, freezing her thoughts into one goal.  
  
"Carey!" she gasped, now fully awake and wide-eyed. "I have to go to the hospital to see how he's doing!"  
  
Fi silently yet mechanically got dressed, pulling the least wrinkled clothing in her luggage, not the very least caring whether or not the pale pink tank top clashed with the khaki cargo shorts. She headed to the bathroom to comb the knots out of her hair, then proceeded to wash her face and brush her teeth, so as not to offend anyone with her morning breath.  
  
By the time Fi got dressed, fifteen minutes had passed and it was already 7:27 in the morning. Molly, who enjoyed doing and actually missed the mundane part of housekeeping while out on the road, was busying herself with cooking pancakes and bangers, ignoring the fact that the half a dozen or so plates of food on the table were enough to feed 6 medium-sized linebackers before game time.  
  
"Mum!" Fi's eyes were as wide-eyed as the saucer that held the huge chunk of butter. "Is Akebono or any other sumotoris coming over for breakfast, and you forgot to tell me?"  
  
"Baby, you're up!" Molly's hazel eyes flashed happily as she saw her daughter digging through the mounds of food. She cocked her head to one side, silently observing her daughter, trying to discern any tell-tale clue as to how she was truly feeling.  
  
"So," Molly began, still sneaking glances at her daughter while making sure she didn't burn the food on the stove. "Did you have a good sleep last night?"  
  
Fi's grip on the fork-speared pancake tightened ever so slightly, betraying just a tiny sliver of pain in her even, measured voice. "Yeah, I did, actually."  
  
"Fiona, I---"  
  
"Bacon, I smell bacon!"  
  
Molly's intention of conducting a soul-probing, heart-to-heart, mother/daughter conversation evaporated into the Colorado sky as the Bells, minus their tow-headed offspring, entered the kitchen, taking Molly up on her breakfast invitation.  
  
"Molly, are you expecting Musashimaru or Akebono?" Irene surveyed the food spread out before her with a raised eyebrow.  
  
Despite herself, Fi managed a small smile. "I asked her the same this morning."  
  
"Oh, hi, Fi," Ned and Irene said in unison. As the word "Fi" slowly sank into their sleep-deprived minds, punctuated by the image of said person munching on pancakes, Mr. Edward Ashton and Mrs. Irina Cluett Bell whipped their heads in amazing synchronisation. "Fiona, what are you doing here?"  
  
"Eeefing foof my moof fooffed," Fi mumbled through a mouthful of maple syrup covered pancake and banger.  
  
"What?" Ned and Irene once again asked in unison, this time with matching 'what the heck did you just say?' looks on their faces.  
  
Fi carefully chewed, swallowed, then took a deep breath before speaking. "I said, I'm eating food mum cooked."  
  
"You're not supposed to be here for a couple of days," Ned said, still staring at Fi.  
  
"Um, there's been a change of plans," Fi said softly, glancing down at her fork, suddenly unable to take another bite.  
  
"Oh," was all Irene could say. Somehow she already knew the reason for this sudden change of plans on Fiona's part, and one glance at just confirmed it all.  
  
"So, ah, um," Fi began. "Where's Clu?"  
  
Ned and Irene exchanged glances. "He was out by the time we woke up," Ned said, shrugging nonchalantly as though this little tidbit didn't faze him a bit.  
  
Molly, who had been silent up until that moment, decided to take it upon herself to ease the tension inside the room. "Eat up, you guys. I didn't slave away in the kitchen for nothing."  
  
"I wholeheartedly agree," Ned said, grabbing a plate and loading it with food.  
  
For that moment, if a stranger were to catch a glimpse of them through the window, they might assume that this was just your average day, with friends eating breakfast together and catching up on each other's lives.  
  
Funny how pictures don't tell the whole story.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
*Irene's POV *  
  
I really didn't feel too good about that whole episode with Clu last night. Neither does Ned. I don't think we slept a wink that night. I could feel Ned tossing and turning beside me, as I'm sure I was, too.  
  
I can't understand why Clu's acting this way. Sure, he and Carey have always been a handful---very mischievous. But they've never been sullen. It's as though Clu has gone from the Beaver's older brother into---well, Marilyn Manson or something. Or maybe that Karl kid from that "Dinotopia" tv show.  
  
As for Carey---  
  
Ned and I have already talked to a second doctor for that prized second opinion. Unfortunately, he more or less said the same thing the first doctor said. The chances that Carey won't be able to walk again are very high. We might have to live with the fact that there is nothing we can do--- nothing we can do to make things the way they once were, no matter how much we want them to.  
  
But we won't give up hope.  
  
We just can't.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
*Ned's POV *  
  
I couldn't sleep last night. I can't stop thinking about what the doctors have said.  
  
They're wrong.  
  
I don't believe them.  
  
Carey WILL walk again and he WILL play the guitar again.  
  
I just have to find a third doctor, that's all.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
*Molly's POV *  
  
I always suspected it before---probably way back when they were just kids--- and I guess now all my suspicions have been confirmed; Carey and Fi care about each other in more ways than they let on.  
  
When I first heard about the accident, I was scared. I was having flashbacks of that day---that day when Rick---  
  
I try not to think about it, you know? But life has a funny way of constantly reminding you of the things you do NOT want to remember.  
  
Fiona---Fi was too young to remember Rick, but in some ways she was the one who was most affected by his death. She never knew him, only getting glimpses of who he was through the eyes of others. For the longest time all she knew was that her father died in a vehicular accident. That is a void that will never be filled.  
  
I sit here and I look at Fi now and see the way I once was. I look into her eyes and see the same emptiness and loss I felt when Rick died. It's a dark road I wish to God that neither of my children would trudge through, but once again, life has a funny way of thrusting you into the things you spend a lifetime avoiding. 


	7. Chapter 6: A New Day Has Come

Author's Note: I know that the lack of updates may have seemed like I abandoned my fics, but believe me, I haven't, nor have any plans of doing so. My da passed away recently, and for a while, I sank into this black hole of grief. Frankly, sometimes it still feels like I am still free- falling down that hole, not knowing if I will land on my feet or fall on my knees. My da held on for almost two years, fighting for his life valiantly. In the end, though, he wasn't ours to keep. In some ways, I knew that we were going to lose him, but part of me still waited for that one miracle that never came. I guess---Well, I suppose that we ran out of miracles. He already survived 2 tours of duty in 'Nam (way before I was born!) and a heart attack in 1997, and I guess God decided that he wanted my da with him. I'm not really, religious, but I'd like to believe there is a Heaven, and that my da is there.  
  
Please, I urge you---tell your loved ones you love them. Don't take anything for granted. You will never know what you have until it's gone or until you're on the brink of losing it.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing when it comes to Disney and "So Weird"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The expansive Colorado sky was ensconced in vibrant hues of pink, purple and blue, and yet all a sad sapphire-eyed young man could see was the darkness it was once encased in, the darkness that was slowly fading away. He had been there for hours, curled up in a ball, hugging his knees to his chest, not quite knowing where he was, or what he wanted to do, much less what he was doing at the moment. All he wanted to do was to escape. Run away. Be alone.  
  
Absently, almost mechanically, Clu picked up a rock that lay on the rich red earth beneath him. Holding it in his cold hands, Clu felt a sense of irrational jealousy and camaraderie towards the oddly-shaped mineral.  
  
"I wish I was more like you, my rock dude friend," Clu whispered, so softly that he could scarcely hear himself. "Not like some, I dunno, beach or something that just floooooows!"  
  
  
  
  
  
Last night was sort of like this one big blur, and that was exactly the way he liked it. He had been out at some frat party, fleetingly erasing his problems with Kool menthols and funnels of Samuel Adams. For those few precious hours he spent in a state of euphoric intoxication, he was able to forget. Thoughts about Carey and his parents and the whole damn world that conspired against him , were forgotten. For those precious hours, he was able to occupy himself with the things he could actually control, like the number of beers he could drink, and the number of cigarettes he could chain- smoke in five minutes flat.  
  
True, drinking and smoking had always been a no-no for him, but last night, Clu decided they were the perfect companions. Actually, Clu decided, he was beginning to see why people his age enjoyed both.  
  
Clu smiled ironically as he thought of his chemical-free years, and, turning to his new rock friend, said, "Dude, you know, if you think about it, I actually missed out on a lot! Nothing wrong with drinking! Nothing wrong with smoking, right? Heck, I'm legally allowed to smoke in this country. And in Europe, I can drink!"  
  
Clu lay back on the ground, one arm cradling his throbbing head while the other hung on tightly to his newfound friend. He could vaguely see the faint outline of the rising sun over the horizon, and Clu felt a sudden sense of anger that the comforting darkness had ebbed away.  
  
Clu let his thoughts drift off once again, only this time they settled on less pleasurable ones, namely his parents. Heck, he didn't even know that they were still awake. Ned and Irene were one of those cool, lenient parents who believed that trust went both ways. They were the type of parents who gave their children freedom, yet still kept them at bay. Unfortunately, Clu supposed, that coolness and leniency vanished *that* night.  
  
His mum had actually morphed into that scary, neurotic "7th Heaven" mum--- Annie Camden or something or other---, and Clu almost laughed at the thought of his dad possibly pulling a Reverend Eric Camden. Now that he thought about it, it wasn't much of a stretch; the Reverend Camden played in a band during his younger years, and well, wasn't his dad the head roadie for the Molly Phillips tour? Yep, he might as well call himself Matt Camden now. Although, he had to admit, that dude had more hair issues that he possibly could or would.  
  
Sighing deeply, Clu closed his eyes, willing himself to forget, once again. He knew he couldn't possibly drink or smoke his waking hours away, but there's much to be said about sleeping. Maybe, just maybe, he could sleep his life away. In the realm of sleep, maybe things would be okay. Maybe.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
On the other side of the city, a green-eyed redhead named Caledonia found herself being the unwilling recipient of a death ray, courtesy of a pair of icy-cold blue eyes. Trying to avert her gaze from the young man's intense stare-down, Cale found herself wondering whether or not it would be possible for her to run the opposite direction, away from this particular patient.  
  
"Give me three good reasons why I can't," the blonde man across from her demanded, arms folded across his chest defiantly. "You medical types told me my hands would be immobile for at least a month, but lookie here, they move!" To illustrate his point, he pumped his fist into the air wildly.  
  
Cale took a step back, not wanting any further demonstration that would commence with her having a black eye or broken bones. "Uh, Mr. Bell, I'm, uh---glad?---that, you can move your hands. Really, I am. But, uh---your doctors? They said that you shouldn't try to move your legs under any circumstance. You could damage it further. So I suggest---"  
  
"To heck with what you medical people think!" Carey bellowed, roughly peeling off the flimsey hospital sheets away from his legs. "You were wrong about the arms, and I know you're wrong about the legs. Now, GET OUT OF MY WAY!"  
  
Cale closed her eyes and reminded herself that all student nurses go through *difficult* patients once in a while. "Mr. Bell, it would be imprudent---"  
  
Carey ignored her completely and grunted as he used his upper body strength to ease his lower body into the cold, grungy-looking hospital floors. His face reddened and perspired at the effort, but he could feel in his gut that he would be able to walk. One step and soon he would be---  
  
"ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!"  
  
Pain surged through Carey's entire body like a thousand coal-broiled pokers poked repeatedly through his legs, and he fell on a heap on the floor. "Blast this crap!"  
  
Cale rushed to Carey, silently trying to help him sit back on the bed, but Carey roughly pushed her hand away like some offensive bug.  
  
"I don't need your help!" Carey rasped, trying to hold onto the little shred of dignity he had. "Go away!"  
  
"Carey!"  
  
Carey froze from his decidedly unflattering position on the floor as his gaze met those of a fawn-eyed young woman.  
  
"Fiona,"  
  
He meant it as a question, but it came out as a soft, strangled cry.  
  
"Carey, let me help you," Fi said, walking over and kneeling down to where Carey was. Her soft, small hands held his bigger ones in a surprisingly strong grip. "Here, lean on me, and let's get you on the bed."  
  
Carey nodded mutely as Fi and Cale helped him stand up, albeit unsteadily, then gingerly settled him to the bed. "Fi."  
  
Fi merely smiled, fluffing his pillows, before slowly cradling his head down to the pillow. Her eyes never left his, even as she gently pulled the sheets so that they covered Carey from the air conditioned room.  
  
"Fi." Carey repeated, not quite believing his eyes. Not quite believing that she was really there. Here. With him. Holding his hand.  
  
"I'm here, Carey," Fi whispered softly into his forehead as she kissed him there. "I came back for you."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Author's Note: That little passage about Clu in the beginning was a bit odd; I tried to portray him as slowly coming undone, but I am not sure I did a good job at it. Please---if any of you have any comments or suggestions or ideas or whatever, do feel free to drop me a line. It's rockerbaby2000@usa.com. I will be posting up a couple of new chapters in about two weeks, after my finals are done with. 


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